Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he puts the penis in happiness.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
