I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize