There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
