addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
