How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
