I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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