i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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