her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
