whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
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