I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I fill condoms, not promises.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize