Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Randomize
