You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
