honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize