We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
