Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize