I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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