He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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