my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You brought string cheese to the strip club
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Randomize
