He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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