When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
