Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
