All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
