My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
vagina is talking i cant
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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