Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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