as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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