I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
