Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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