She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize