I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
