I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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