i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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