I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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