Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
