hell yes lets make some ravioli
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
