I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
