That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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