Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
