new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
He passed out mid-signature
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
did i just pee glitter
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
