Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
