Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
