i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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