I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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