My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
