i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Randomize
