Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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