I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
