i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
