ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
