it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
this boner is exhausting
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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