My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
