I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
