If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
what is it with giant penises always finding me
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
