It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
We're not piercing ourselves today.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
