Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
