You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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