if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize