Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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