Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
