my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
