help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
