grandma shit on top of the toilet
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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