Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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