so that wasnt chicken after all
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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