I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
