you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
