At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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