Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
