I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
