The maid of honor just puked.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
There's always time for handjobs
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
