I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Randomize