everyone is single if you try hard enough
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
